Every bathroom I ventured into had women complaining about hunger, humidity, male cohorts not wanting to stop to eat, bad children, tired feet, hunger and did I mention hunger?
Capricorn's report of the male bathroom? He shrugged, said it was a bathroom and men don't really talk to each other, maybe just some logistical directions from fathers to younger kids about hand washing and peeing.
In case I am just a keen observer (wanted to be a cross between Nancy Drew and Murphy Brown my entire life), I'll let you judge for yourself:
Two little boys (ages 4-6) banged on a series of bathroom stall doors (including mine) multiple times, yelling: "Housekeeping! You need more towels?" As their mother coached another child inside a stall, who screamed back, "Boys, stop it! Stand near the sinks and don't touch anything."
My guess is their stay at Disney World was the first time they heard housekeeping knocking on their hotel door. The knock that gives most adults not wearing pants a cold chill, in hopes that we remembered to lock the deadbolt. I did not request more towels.
Hooked on Phonics [Drugs]
A little boy, about 4 years old, who started out humming the opening bars of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing," became bored with his carol and became to scream MARIJUANA over and over again as he activated the automatic sinks.
As I was waiting in a long line just to get into a stall, the constant flow of running water started to frustrate me. His mom was changing his younger sibling at the changing station. Her embarrassment was noticeable, as she gasped and said, "miho, ven aca!" [son, come here.] The little boy started to say "marijuana" slower, enunciating his syllables and smiling at his mother, obviously proud of his grasp of a difficult word.
Careful what you say around your kids, folks. Because they'll say it loud and proud in public.
When Your Kid Outsmarts You
In the late afternoon I walked into a bathroom at the Animal Kingdom that I thought was empty. A few minutes later, I heard shuffling in the stall next to mine that scared me, as I was in the Animal Kingdom and I couldn't see any feet.
I was confused. Then I heard a thump and saw a pair of pink shoes with light-up soles appear in the stall next to mine. I felt at ease, it was a child. Then, the uneasy feeling returned: what was this little girl doing by herself in a bathroom? I'm a grown-ass woman, now that I knew it wasn't a wild animal, I couldn't with good conscious leave this kid alone without telling Disney staff; she might have gotten separated from her family.
Before I opened my mouth to say the usual something that would sound hopefully responsible and not kidnappy, a woman's voice rang out in the bathroom near the entrance, "Alison, are you in here?" *she saw the little pink shoes* "Honey, you have to tell mommy if you go to the bathroom. You can't just leave the shop."
Alison: Sorry mommy. Had to go.
Alison's mom: Do you need me to come in?
Alison's mom: Let me in.
Alison's mom: Alison, open the door.
Alison: I'm ok. Fine *after rustling, opened door, mom assumingly came in, door closed*
[Meanwhile I should mention I got a little pee shy and just wanted the pair to leave]
Alison's mom: Ok, finish so we can go. The bus is here.
Alison: *silence* the lights in her shoes started illuminating again, shining on the glossy finish of my stall wall.
Alison mom: Go use the potty. We gotta go.
Alison's mom: Then let's go. You have to wash your hands first.
Alison: I... I gotta go. Just a few more minutes
Alison's mom: Ok. But go so we can make our bus.
Alison's mom: [pregnant pause]... Did you tell mommy you have to pee so we would miss our bus?!
Alison: *giggle* We could stay and go on the dinosaur again.
Alison's mom: Oh, that's it! Let's go. *lots of shuffling, left the bathroom, Alison did NOT wash her hands afterall*
Fucking Feed Me
This isn't just kids. If I walked into a Women's restroom, someone, somewhere was talking about food. Or crying about it: They didn't have enough to eat at breakfast; They just had the best meal ever; They were hungry AGAIN and didn't want to admit it to others in their party; They were crabby, they were hungry and they wanted someone to fucking feed them or they were about the explode.
If I didn't just eat myself, by the time I left the bathroom, I was hungry. I was weak and gave into the psychosomatic power of convincing myself I needed to eat something. And you wouldn't like me very much when I'm hangry (hungry/angry). Thanks a lot, ladies.
Maybe Disney implants mystery hungry-mongers in Women's bathrooms to spike the hungry levels of their female guests.
I'm on to you Mickey.
Well readers, I only have experience with the Women's bathroom, but I don't see these kind of shenanigans happening as often in the Men's. Am I wrong? Feel free to sound off in the comments.
Be Good to Each Other,