Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wordless Wednesday: Halloween Decorations

This week's Wordless Wednesday is about Halloween activities left to do and cool DIY decoration ideas for cheap.

Let's all go Halloween crazy this year :)

For the nail decals for you and your little ones, get them here:

Monday, October 27, 2014

Halloween Doctor Who: Let's Get Creepy

Happy Halloween Week! In honor of my favorite holiday and one of my favorite tv shows (Doctor Who), this post is dedicated to my cousin David and his awesome artistic skills of creating the DW Weeping Angel below-

I'm going to challenge myself to post Halloween-only all week.

Don't blink. RIP Amy and Rory. Let's get creepy:

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Six Word Sentences: Harder Than Hell

Have you tried to write six-word sentences? After being called wordy- lovingly, might I add- I was challenged to write less, tell more.

A few years ago I would have said, "I have a bachelor's degree in English Literature. I don't do that."

Today I say, "I work in marketing. Short sentences? No problem."

Bras & Pants: Boob jail and no-fun island.

Internet: Clever cat memes behind every corner.

Sex Dolls: No bro, that's latex, not love.

Doctor Who: Stephen Moffat, stop fucking everything up.

My Facebook Timeline: Did everyone get knocked up purposely?

Watching WWE documentaries on Netflix: So many garbage cans under ring?

Monday Morning: Stronger than coffee, weaker than cocaine.

Self Check Out Shopping: Ain't no item in bagging area.

Drinks: vodka club soda, lots of lime.

Cats: Pretty balls of fur and destruction.

Sleep: I will cut you, snooze alarm.

Capricorn: Most stubborn man ever, sexy though.

Pizza: I'll start my diet on Monday.

Halloween: Not a whore, wearing her uniform.

Obama: Makes you pay check, raises taxes.

U2: Trifling, Apple stock owning tiny Irishman.

False Eyelashes: I'm going to figure you out.

Target: Need one thing, buy all things.

Bible: Why no kangaroos, All-Knowing Creator?

Ann Coulter: Stumble into battery acid and perish.

Haute Couture: We have curves, design for them.

Truman Capote: You owe Harper Lee a coke.*

Not too bad for my first time!

*I can't not be wordy. Harper Lee (author of To Kill a Mockingbird) did a tremendous amount of research and word on Capote's most famous novel, In Cold Blood. He was well-known before it, but that book made him a pioneer of the Literary Non-fiction genre. It's a fantastic book and Harper gathered much of its content, while working with Capote as he was sent to Kansas to gather the story's information. Capote owned a lot to her and I don't think he was honest about his practices, and that she deserved much credit for the book's stellar account of true events. Pro-Harper.

Night night,


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Wordless Wednesday: Funny Ones

I never participated in the Wordless Wednesday blogging trend because I thought it was lazy. I mean, we're writers and you just want us to submit a photo and be done with it? I guess it's still a little lazy.

But, why not submit a few pictures--funny ones-- that will hopefully make someone smile; I could support that:

naperville ghost tours, ghost hunting
Ghosting hunting tour for mom's birthday October 2012. No ghosts were able to make it.

dita von teese, peaches, beautiful woman

shakespeare, shakepeare in the park, funny, festival

gen y, funny, jenny, sarcastic

penis, bachelorette, penis purse, party, girls night out
Penis Purse

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Hark! Sexy Billboards: Party at Sex Pool Suites

The city of Chicago has seen an influx of what I can only call "sexytime" billboards strewn across the highways. Some are for sex toy shops such as Lovers' Lane, others are for an incredibly vague sounding Adult Expo Complex (read: prostitution) and increasing number of sex pool suites that like to compete with my childhood favorite, Sybaris Pool Suites.

lovers lane, Halloween, sex, billboards

To honor the sex pool company that first caught my eye as a child, I'm rebooting my "Childhood Birthday Party at Sybaris Pool Suites" article:

When I was six-years-old, I wanted to have my birthday at the Sybaris Pool Suites. The Sybaris Pool Suites is a hotel chain with elaborate suites that include pools, water slides, steam rooms and hot tubs... for romantic getaways. (read: sex)
I wanted to bring 30-40 kids there to party.

sybaris pool suites, get away, sex

When I saw the commercial, I completely ignored the naked couple fornicating under the water and yelled, "Oh my god. It's a water slide! And a pool. I want my birthday there. MOM!"

Author's Note: It may surprise you that after
punching the boy in my class that showed me his penis, my popularity had taken a plunge. I needed to do something drastic.

My parents, for reasons unbeknownst to me, were not in love with the idea. They gave each other awkward glances and suggested Kiddie Land instead. I was unmoved.
"Why the hell do you want me to go to Kiddie Land? There’s no pool I can swim in all night. Or water slides. Kiddie Land closes at 8pm. I'm in this for the long haul."

"Where did you learn that? No. You are not having a party there. It's not right, Duckie." My mom avoided eye contact.

Dad was just as vague. "You can't bring your friends there. Maybe when you're older. Wait, no. Never. You are never going there. Jean Marie, promise me you will never go there."

I threw a tantrum. We didn't have a pool and it wasn't fair. I love swimming. I cried so hard I gave myself a headache. My tears spilled onto my My Little Pony t-shirt.  I was told to my go to my room. Shit.

I was sequestered to my room at 6pm. I was so bored. Also, I was supposed to be asleep, so I had to keep the lights off. Have you ever tried to play Barbie Castle with the lights off? It's sad and a little creepy.

After hearing a noise from my closet I jumped into my bed and remained under the blankets. I was determined to scheme a way I could reserve a party without my parents knowing. I would call tomorrow. I was determined.

These were the days before Googling, so I called 411. I tapped my Minnie Mouse shoes against the kitchen floor as I waited for someone to answer.

"Hello. You've reached Sybaris, how may I help you?"

I squealed. "I want a room! With a pool! My name is Jean!"

The reservation taker sounded confused."Ok, Jean. When did you want join us? How many people are in your party?"
"Next Friday. Maybe, 30-40 people? And the balloon lady. She's so good."

The reservation taker hung up. I was crushed. How could I be denied? I wanted a pool party so much, but I was too scared to call again. I knew the dream was over.

That weekend at grandma's house, I mentioned my dream party to my older cousin. What followed was not pretty. I cannot quote what was said next as I believe post traumatic stress has blocked it out, but I unfortunately learned what semen, an orgy and Spanish Fly is. That may have been the day I learned what sex was. I was horrified.
sybaris, sex, getaway, pool sex
Trade those rose petals for candy and I would have been in heaven

I gave up my dream. I knew the pools weren't for honest, good-fun swimming. They were sex pools and not for the likes of me and my class of seven-year-olds. Things made sense now. The world seemed different.

Oh, my 7th birthday it was Kiddie Land.